I Love Being A Black Man

I never did like sex. My dick would get so hard it would hurt! And I used and abused it to no end. I LOVED SEX! But only if it was used as a weapon! These sissy guys looking up at you like "I got your 'soul' in my hands, I could bite off your dick at any time but see how I worship it. That big old dick!" 'I'm sacrificing myself to you! Look how I look up at you! I want power and control, not love and command! I got your most prized possession! Eat your heart out, Elizabeth Taylor! {I bet she never sucked a dick in her life! Marilyn Monroe? That's another thing!}.

Is my evil Grandmother hiding in me?! Certainly, she had the greatest influence on me, for she learned to laugh through the hard things and times. Not that she did not cry. And I hated to see a woman cry in real life. Reading the Christ story when the pain pierced Mary's heart, seeing her son on the cross, it pierced mine also, and I got angry that they could do such a thing to an innocent man! HYPNOTIZED. Help me forgive myself for not forgiving myself for something I never did but think I did. I am hypnotised.

This is a new kind of writing; I've got to give it a name, a term. It's called POSITIVE PETER.

The relationship between my father and me was strained. I thought he blamed me, and in a sense it seemed like he did, for I reminded my grandmother of my dad and I reminded my dad of my grandmother. And my dad was trying desperately to get away from my grandmother with good reason! Not that she clung to him, but she knew the value of 'keeping it all in the family' or 'keeping the family together' despite any differences. My grandmother always wanted a little girl and tried to make me into one. I didn't know what the hell I was for a time and spent a lot of time alone. My brother was and still is the popular one. I sort of got put out with the trash. I always thought my family was too religious on my sister's side. She was a religious fanatic, to tell the truth, but don't tell her I said that! It took years for me to find out I had little alternative to being a sinner. So the worse sinner I became, the more I tried to be the perfect saint. What a roller coaster of a ride. I could not live either way! So? Did I just die to Mother Nature? The truth is! Why do we have to KNOW the truth? To be set free? Who imprisoned me in the first place? MYSELF? or OTHERS? Can I say my parents? Can they say white people? Can they say White Jews? Can they say Black or Beto Jews? Those tribes who chose God as life and love and nature and most of all SURVIVAL! The Black Jews, the original Jews, the true and first Jews on earth. From the Yorbin tribe and three others. So did God choose them? NO! God is not a man that He should play favorites. These certain and particular African men called on God and found God in Nature and the Universe as the mind, love, and life of God, or the All in all and SOURCE of all in all. We did not CREATE God; we DISCOVERED HIM in the universe and mother nature and thus called on His Name! TU-Sos and Enf Sof. This was the sacrifice and worship of SATURN and later MOTHER NATURE. This became known as ANIMISM. This was the worship and sacrifice of self to the NATURAL ORDER of MOTHER NATURE, and IMMUTABLE LAWS of the UNIVERSE. Then mankind {a group of men, women, and children} began to name the GOD they worshiped. Not the form of MOTHER NATURE but the FORCE behind the FORMS. What made the plants grow and moved the Hurricane. And many, many sacred NAMES of GOD came forth, and this was known as the PAGAN YEARS. Everybody has a God now, according to ENVIRONMENT. When we speak of the make-up of man, you must also include his environment, a key element in his existence that is deliberately left out of education. Without a LOCATION {environment}, man really IS NOT. A PSI BEING can balance any opposing ENERGY by simply chanting: "I AM, I AM NOT!" And your ENVIRONMENT or SPACE/PLACE is created by your ALTITUDE. Your ALTITUDE creates your inner and outer ATMOSPHERE, which is the essence ENERGY of your PSI SPACE/PLACE. Knowing you are IN God is enough to keep you protected, safe, and warm within yourself. You only command a mind, body, and environment. That is all. That is enough. In fact, it starts to be come fun for this is the FINITE you. This is the physical part and it has its limits , it's ORDINARY LIMITES. So next, we have the INFINITE MIND and that is where even more SELF-DISCLIPLINE comes in. Self-disclipline is fun when it is USED as CREATING, RECREATING, and UNCREATING. These are holy and harmless activities of the body, mind or soul. How does the SOUL create being CONSCIOUSNESS? By letting that which is created BE as IT IS in it's good or bad condition. FEELING PAIN to make it go away. Turning 'negative talk' to 'positive PSI ENERGY. PSI ENERGY is always POSITIVE, compared to all other energies. Always PURE. Always PRISTINE. Always PRIMAL. Always PERFECT {It acts the same way with all things in a good or bad condition.} I LOVE BEING BLACK!It is soooooooooooo NATURAL and of Nature. And Intelligent!